i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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