3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
