I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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