I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
