her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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