Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
