"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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