Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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