The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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