...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
