She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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