It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
