I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The power of my boobs compel you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
