Do you still have your period?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
