I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
