I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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