Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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