Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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