He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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