If i could tip my vagina, i would.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
