In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
