The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
