i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
