i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
