WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
