I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize