Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
