I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize