Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
