i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
