but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
