shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
