Can i not drive my cunt home
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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