dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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