Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
