I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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