I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Houston, we have a blender
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
