im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We left an ass print on the piano.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
