Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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