I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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