Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
