yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
