It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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