Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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