I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
