Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We got so high we made milksteak
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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