I'm going to jail i love you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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