they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
