last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
