I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
