yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
