Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
