Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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