How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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