If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
