I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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